Quit Moping Ya Dummy
by mandaree1
Summary: Gosalyn let out a relived sigh and ruffled her short hair. "See? This is the kind of thing I need right now. Nice, sensible realism." "Gosalyn, you're tattooing me with magic sharpie and drinking magic vodka."


**Disclaimer: I don't own Darkwing Duck!**

**Title: Quit Moping Ya Dummy**

**Summary: Gosalyn let out a relived sigh and ruffled her short hair. "See? This is the kind of thing I need right now. Nice, sensible realism."**

**"Gosalyn, you're tattooing me with magic sharpie and drinking magic vodka."**

**...**

The edge of the trunk dug into the back of Honker's knees. He didn't know enough about cars to know if Mr. Mallard's car was supposed to open all the way like it did, or if Launchpad had made some changes, but it did and Honker accepted that. "You're lucky I love you, Gos."

Gosalyn snorted. "Who's tattooing who, exactly?"

"I didn't want the tattoo," Honker replied, watching with raised eyebrows as his friend took a swig from a noticeably unlabeled bottle. "Is that alcohol?"

"Honk-man, I'm appalled. D'ya really think I'd get drunk before my dad's wedding?"

"Gosalyn."

"Yes, alright, fine. But no worries- it's magic. Won't have a hangover or nothin'." Gosalyn shoves it into his face. "Here, have some. Relax a bit."

Honker leaned his beak away. "Thinning my blood isn't wise right now."

"Relax," she repeated. "It's magic."

A car zoomed past the parking lot, blaring its horn. The heady smell of summer exhaust made Honker's eyes water. He resisted the urge to lift his right arm and wipe the tears away. It looked like Gosalyn was just drawing on him with a marker, but Honker knew better than to fiddle with the magical things his friend dabbled in. She's not exactly a master of it as is. "It terrifies me how much magic you're using right now."

"Oh, big same."

"We should be home. Getting ready."

"Honker, I didn't steal dad's car to talk about wedding preparations."

Honker shrugged his free shoulder. "Not much else to talk about. I got an A on a chemistry test last week. I'm getting a tattoo now. A magic tattoo. It's pretty fancy."

Gosalyn stops mid-mark to sigh. "Honk, what if they have a kid?"

"Do you not want a sibling? They aren't all Tanks, you know."

"I don't care about that. I can beat the Tank outta any little sib I get. It's just really scary to think of the danger they'd be in. Ex-crime woman Morgana Macawber _and_ Darkwing Duck combing their juices? Yeesh."

"If it helps any, I dunno if they could even have kids- we don't know the genetic capability of Morgana's monster DNA and Mr. Mallard's duck DNA." Honker twiddled his thumbs a second before going on. "Not to mention Mr. Mallard's taken_ a lot_ of crotch shots over the years."

Gosalyn let out a relived sigh and ruffled her short hair. "See? This is the kind of thing I need right now. Nice, sensible realism."

"Gosalyn, you're tattooing me with magic sharpie and drinking magic vodka."

She capped the marker. "Not true. _You're_ going to sharpie _me_ while I finish my magic vodka."

Honker rubbed his forearm curiously. The crude DW logo stayed on. "How long will the glitter last, you think?"

"Twenty years, give or take?"

"Neat."

The next question comes just as Honker is painstakingly putting bat ears on the A of Darkwing. "Is it bad I'm scared of her moving in forever? What if they, like, faze Launchpad out? I love Launchpad. He's my Launch_dad_."

He wipes the sweat from his brow and adjusts his glasses. "I'm not one to make accusations, but I'm fairly certain he's part of... this."

"Yeah, I know. Still. It doesn't feel fair."

"You're usually a lot more open to change," he notes. "It makes up a good chunk of your life, after all."

Gosalyn tips her head back and downs half the bottle in one go in lieu of an answer. Honker hopes to whatever gods that do or don't exist that the magic also eliminates alcohol poisoning.

It's pretty obvious this is the heart of it. "I thought you liked Morgana."

"_Of course_ I like Morgana." She snapped, scowling. "It's just... been a long time since I'd had a mom, I guess."

"You don't have to have her as a mother figure."

"I kinda do? I kinda always have. But now it's all official and that's_ scary_." Gosalyn starts to shift, and Honker just barley manages not to draw a weird line through the symbol as she leans against his chest, eyes fluttering closed. "I punch stuff I'm afraid of. That's, like, my only defense mechanism. I can't punch Morg."

"Cursing is always an option."

"...Like, swearing? Or magic?"

"Yes."

Gosalyn unleashed a wet, hiccupping laugh. "A curse upon you! A curse upon your bats! A curse upon your ho- wait, no."

Honker, recognizing a giggle fit when he's about to make one, moves the marker away. "Fuck your bats."

"OOOOOOH SHIIIITTT!" The teenager about fell over. "Honk-man cussed!"

He capped the marker. "I'll do it again, too, if things don't go well."

**Author's Note: This is a mix of headcanons and silly fluff lol. I really love Honker and Gosalyn's broship, and I love Gosalyn lowkey being a witch just as much, so it was fun to mix the two!**

**I like to think Morgana and Drake DO get hitched eventually, but things don't rlly change. Gosalyn just runs at any sign of family change bc, you know, her whole life has been full of loss. I also hc that she and Honker get the Darkwing Duck logos on their arm- might as well, seeing how it's basically their job to shadow him lol. (Honker is lowkey a bit miffed that his career choices are a bit, er, LIMITED thanks to his time following Darkwing, but that's a story for another time.)**

**(And yes, LP, DW, and Morg are poly. That's just how it be ****¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)**

**-Mandaree1**


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